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As would only be expected living a life like mine, the damage to the engine of my vehicle is at an irreparable point. The only option I have is to swap the motor. After much thinking, I’ve decided that essentially, it isn’t worth the time or money that will be spent to make it drivable again. As most of you are aware, I’ve been heavily playing with the thought of moving back to Texas…
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To live the life of a nomad, you know no home. You have no base, and you constantly move around. These days, being a nomad is as it was years ago. Except now we’ve got cars, planes, and trains to help us move around the land in much faster paces. We can haul our things with us, almost effortlessly.
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At the very least, you can expect that people will almost always surprise you. I do not mean that everyone you encounter will. What I mean is that some of those you meet may do so at any moment, given the opportunity arises. They may shock you in a positive way, or they may do so negatively. That’s all part of the surprise…
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The easy way isn’t always the right way to go. In fact, doing what is correct for oneself is possibly the hardest thing one can do – especially when investments are made into emotion. Time does not always heal, but can most certainly make an impact on everything and can often provide the gift of revelation.
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Being one who spends a lot of time by myself, I can’t help but think a lot. I ponder my life, my words, my future, my past… I just sit and wonder. I ask myself question after question. At times, only to end up with no answers. I suppose that’s the most frustrating part… Not being able to satisfy my own inquiries…

But that shouldn’t be too surprising – as no one has all the answers, right?
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I’m at a loss for words in how to begin this post. I hope to convey both my love for Lebanon, and my remorse for returning West. Never have I left my homelands with such feelings of grief. This year’s visit had to have been the most difficult of all my visits to the Middle East. I’ve lost a loved one, but have gained new friends. I’ve been able to see the true faces of those I once thought I knew; And gotten to know those I’d never thought I’d have the chance to.
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Not everyone is cut out to run their own business. Granted, it may be a goal most people would like to reach, its just not everyone is meant to do it. I’ve always felt that being an entrepreneur was in my blood.. Passed down through many generations of hard-headed and determined men.

I’ve been in Canada since late October searching for a job that pays a little more than peanuts. Unfortunately, with the economy the way it is, I’ve been shit out of luck in that sense. Recently, after much pondering I had again decided that it would be best for me to look after my own interests, and see where it’ll take me.

I’ve once again started a business. The expenses of simply starting your own company are astronomical. Then you’ve got to factor in marketing, labor and other miscellaneous expenses. Doing it all on my own has proven to be one hell of a challenge.

With what sparkly-eyed recruits I have, and the few customers whom need my service, I’m just not confident in my probability of success. I do suppose that it probably is best for me to not have my expectations set so high, but a man has got to eat!

So with my head held high, and my choices clear – I know what needs to be done. Being a man is some tough business!

I’m so tired. I don’t even know where to begin exactly. Life has a tendency of weighing down on you after a short while.. I suppose it really depends more so on the situation than it does on time passed. But for me, as circumstances would have it, both time and situation are the burdens on my shoulders.

Ilhamdulilah (praise Allah / or thank God) for my family and their well being. Ilhamdulilah I awoke this morning and did not die in my sleep. Ilhamdulilah for the food in my fridge and the roof over my head. Ilhamdulilah for my job, money and car. Ilhamdulilah for all things I neglect to see. Ilhamdulilah.

I do what is necessary to live. I do what is required and expected of me. I have done all that I possibly could… And yet, I feel as though I have not done enough. Success is within my reach – and yet it is still out of my grasp. I do not understand what more there is to do, which I have not yet done.. In what way can I approach my father and explain to him that our current situation needs rectifying and by him?

My ads on CraigsList haven’t been very promising – though I have had an alarming number of responses from there. I suppose those who are seeking help or services through their medium are also in search of “freebies” or someone ridiculously cheap. With the price of fuel where it’s at, I offer my services at what I would hope to be a competitive rate; Yet people continue to lowball and short-change me..

The three people whom I have already serviced seemed to be fairly happy with both my services and pricing.. And yet, I have not completed more than those three jobs. I didn’t exactly expect spectacular results during this stage though. I’m still in my trial & error phase.. Which I don’t think I’ll be weaseling out of anytime soon.. I’ve put up a few more ads in various sections of CL and now all I can do is hope for the best. I suppose you just have to keep on doing what you’ve got to do, and everything will eventually turn out alright.. Just don’t quit trying!

So to me it seems as though we are living in a time where Doctors don’t quite live up to what they used to be. Maybe I’m generalizing way too much, way too fast – but humor me here. How fast can you get a medicine prescribed to you? How quickly could you put your hands on a bottle of Vicodin, or Adderall? Sleep aids, anyone?

It’s almost as if these drugs are just for the taking! Let me ask you this, why would a country fighting a “War on Drugs” sell, market and push drugs on its people?  How many of you know exactly what the contents are of the pill you’re inducing? We all know the dangers of prescription drugs.

So why do these doctors give out prescriptions like they’re signing autographs? My sister, never having gone to this particular doctor before, goes into the examination room and gives the good Doctor the gruesome (possibly exagerated [I don't know, I wasn't there]) details. This Doctor then diagnoses my sister with anxiety and gave her pills. I’m no expert, but I’m disheartened by those who are quick to give out these drugs. Now, only after having taken these pills for a few weeks, my sister is under the assumption that she requires these meds in order to ease her severely crippled brain!

Seriously! I mean, she’s driving me insane. I am not one who condones the use of drugs in any way. Now, you see, my definintion of a drug may differ from yours. I believe drugs to be man made substances consisting of two or more ingredients. Alcohol, prescriptions, extacy, herion, cocaine, opium, LSD and their likes, are to me – drugs.

What is the world coming to when we can’t trust our own neighborhood Doctors to be careful with the prescriptions they’re giving out? In all honesty and concern, these drugs could be prescribed to dealers just as easily as they were prescribed to my sister. A simple enough sob story it seems and the end results in prescribed drugs. What ever happened to natural remedies? Toughing it out? Where have our morals gone?